Oct 17
2007
From Lawn Mowing to Man Hair
I want to start by assuring you that I was talking about gardening and, more specifically, about the importance of mowing the lawn correctly.
See, it was Sunday night dinner following the Packers-Redskins game. Captain, my brother-in-law, who is currently pulling duty at the Pentagon in some PowerPoint intensive job, traveled out here to the country to help Harry and Ben shout at the television. While they watched football, I did the following:
1) Made homemade pretzels for their halftime snack
2) Chopped herbs and mixed it into my homemade Neufchatel cheese, packaged it and put it into the frig so they could have cheese and crackers later
3) Washed, folded and put away approximately 50 loads of laundry
4) Mowed the lawn
5) Hand watered the drought-starved plants, including toting buckets of water to the far reaches of the lawn
6) Started dinner, which, to be fair, Harry finished. He can now make spanakopita. (Smart man!)
Well, Captain, being Captain, started giving a hard time to Harry and Ben about the fact that I was the one who was doing all the heavy lifting associated with the lawn.
Their response?
“Pheethhhhhhttt. She wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Although I appreciate, nay ENCOURAGE, anyone to be on my side in nudging anyone (anyone, please!) to pitch in around this labor-intensive household, I had to admit that they were right on this one.
I do not like for my husband and son to mow the lawn. In fact, I had been trying to figure out how to give my lawn that nice checkerboard pattern, but from my research it involves some sort of press device, which is too far to go even for me.
“Precision is important in lawn mowing,” I explained. “I like all the lines the mower makes to be straight and even. When Harry or Ben mow the lawn, there are always crooked lines and bits and pieces that are missed. It ends up looking like a $2 Navy haircut.”
Well, that was Captain needed.
“OHHHHHHH. That’s the worst!!!!” exclaimed Captain with great feeling.
Turns out he was talking about cheap haircuts, not sloppy lawn mowing.
“I can’t believe how hard it is to get a good haircut. And don’t even GET me started about coloring!” he went on.
Well, I knew that Captain was a devotee of all things related to hair since he started showing up at Christmas holidays with blond highlights. OBVIOUS blond highlights. This provided no end of amusement among me and the other sisters-in-law (of which there are many) because at nearly 6’7 and 265 pounds, there is nothing at all girly about Captain.
“I like to be a little different and go for the blond surfer look—that Coco Beach look. But it’s really hard to get it right at these salons with their foils and their caps. I have been brunette, blond with highlights, even RED. RED!!!! I had to call in sick when that happened until I could get it fixed.”
He went on…
“In the military, all these guys like to go for that high and tight look,” he said mocking the military bearing and stiff posture you see of Army generals in the newspaper. “But that’s what gets you promoted.
“That’s why when I was up for promotion for this Pentagon job I got a ‘high and tight’ cut and had my portrait re-touched to give me some grey hair at the temples.”
Well, of course, I was roaring with laughter. And Captain, always loving an audience, played up the hand gestures and stories.
Harry piped in with the importance of regular pedicures, which, of course, Captain also had opinions about.
Later, as he was getting ready to leave Ben asked about the bag that Captain had carried in with him. I thought perhaps he had planned to stay the night or had something inside he wanted to show us.
Well, no. Turns out it’s his “man bag.”
“But I’m no metero-sexual,” he said, meaning, of course, metrosexual.
He can’t bring himself to carry a leather satchel, so he carries this “man bag.”
Good grief. Man hair. Pedicures. Man bags.
Here I am worrying about straight lines on a lawn when there are such many more weighty subjects to worry about!
Tomorrow on Bumblebee…
More on the slowing down lifestyle.
Amused and Dismayed,
October 17th, 2007 at 11:36 pm
Goodness, that’s hilarious! But I hear you on the lawn, My parents call the missed bits "mow-hawks." Ha. ~A
October 18th, 2007 at 1:30 am
Oh My God, Robin, that was so funny! Captain and his man bag–he looks like an "action figure."
The other totally freaky thing is that I’m the same way as you about the lawn! A couple weeks ago my husband decided to help me by doing some trimming around trees…he mowed off a bunch of milkweed plants and some cherry bushes that I have been trying to grow for years! "What the F were you doing?" I shrieked. "Why don’t you just let me take care of the yard stuff myself?" (I tend to overreact when stuff gets mowed off–I know it will grow back–hopefully!)
October 18th, 2007 at 3:20 am
Is that an Indianapolis Colts Peyton Manning No. 18 jersey that Captain is wearing? Way out there on the east coast?
October 18th, 2007 at 7:47 am
LOL now that was a very amusing story. Highlights, man bags, and straight mowing. The mind boggles!
October 18th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Angela – I am going to add "mow-hawks" to my garden vocabulary. Love it!
Ruthie – I just hope Captain doesn’t hear that you thi he looks like an action figure. That’s JUST what we need! More fuel for his "image."
And Carol, yes, that’s a Colts Manning jersey. Some people cannot be redeemed. As for who my guys were rooting for on Sunday, it was NOT the Redskins. Harry has been a long-time Packers fan because they are only NFL team owned by the "people"–the state of Wisconsin. (And we really do not like Dan Snyder, who thumbs his nose at environmental regulations to mow down trees.)
Hi Yolanda, the mind boggles indeed!
–Robin (Bumblebee)
October 20th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
I am still giggling about all of this… maybe when you’re all zen’d out from your slower living, you’ll relax a bit on the straight mowing lines?
Ruthie J is so right. Captain looks like he should be an action hero–maybe what he has in that "man bag" is his cape and boots, just in case he has to fly off and save the world?
October 20th, 2007 at 10:32 pm
Oh kriminy, Kim. You haven’t MET Captain. If you guys keep saying things like this, he will start winging his way to holiday dinners and we will NEVER hear the end of his supposed superhero powers.
Robin (Bumblebee)
March 2nd, 2008 at 9:11 am
[...] hair highlights,” and another searching “blond man hair” found the story about my otherwise uber-masculine brother-in-law’s preoccupation with his hair style. I am QUITE sure that Captain and his “man bag” is not what they had in [...]